Jealousy Needn't Get Your Panties In a Twist
Picture it:
Boyfriend and girlfriend are at shopping mall. Boyfriend and girlfriend walk into favorite store. Girlfriend see favorite friend from high school and greet her with big hug. Boyfriend see girlfriend friend and smile big doing thrice over on her from top of head to bottom of rear end. Girlfriend catch him and make scene when shopping bag land on boyfriend face. Then boyfriend get no cookie for entire month.
The End
This is a very common ordeal among us and it isn’t handled with any generous ration of delicate grace at the time we’re experiencing it. A fit of jealousy actually feels like we’re getting stabbed in the eye sockets with ice picks because not only do we see our guys checking out other women, we see the women they’re checking out and how attractive they are and how hard it is for our guys not to stare. Makes us feel compelled to do a thrice over on ourselves and assess what we have, or don’t have, that makes our guys want to check out other chicks.
Jealousy encompasses many facets in relationships, from the occasional “wanton” glance in the direction of another woman, to possessiveness on the side of our men who don’t allow us to have friends for a girls’ night/shopping trip before they’re content to blow out a mitral valve with adrenaline and TNT.
It isn’t a just a “guy staring at girls” thing. Women are often kicked right square in the gut with a jealousy guilt trip brought on by their men who SWEAR up and down they’re checking out the dude waiting in line in front of them at the grocery store, pumping gas, or pulling up next to them at the stoplight. Funny, often times we aren’t even looking at the people they think we’re looking at, when we are actually looking at the ones they don’t even notice. Shhhh…. don’t tell anyone. 
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LOOK. End of story. That’s what our eyes are for. When we can get over how insecure we feel in ourselves, it no longer occurs to us to even notice if our partner is checking out somebody else. When we know that we rule the roost and that we’re only as good as we feel about ourselves, nothing as petty as our men looking at another woman will ever be something to feel threatened with.
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We know who he’s coming home to every night and where his heart is and if we don’t, IT’S OUR ISSUE, NOT HIS. A trivial amount of jealousy is in order sometimes because we’re in love and we feel slightly threatened by the thought of anything coming between us and our partners. However, it isn’t something to throw our arms up in air over and surrender our positions.
There is a natural tendency for jealousy in all of us. Here’s how you might try handling it…
- Grow up.
I’m dead serious. Most of the people who seem to suffer from an innumerable amount of jealousy are often young and insecure. It’s sad that our lives are wasted on such trifles that we choose to live out our days when we’re the most beautiful and ripe for the picking, and decide on being sour rotten grapes who act like a big babies every time our imagination takes over and our “partner is going out on us”. The only thing that’s going out on us is our minds and our ability to discern between what’s the reality and a reeling cartoon fantasy.
It’s tough to be young and having to discover what makes you tick. The advice I give to you is to spend as much time as possible loving, valuing and believing in yourself and knowing that you’re strong enough to bring every positive thing you’ve got into the relationship. When we sit around and wallow in crap, pretty soon we’re buried in it shoulder deep before we ever even realize that it’s of our own doing.
When we strongly believe in ourselves, the rest comes together effortlessly. When we know who we are, the illusions we make up in our heads disappear forever. That’s what jealousy is- it’s an imagination blowing out of control. How much sense is it to let something that doesn’t exist completely take over?
However, on a side note, a guy whose jaw drops and is salivating like a Grizzly bear upon seeing a chick’s buttocks walking past is a total loser. He’s either doing it to piss you off, or he’s really that numbskulled that he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. Men who have some tangible level of experience with women and the ability to demonstrate some self-control don’t rape every woman walking past with their eyes. You might want to consider this next time he’s acting like a baffoon. That may be just what he is.
- Let it roll off.
Is it really that important to you to keep making $hit out of shenanigans and to keep yourself miserable by reliving every single second your guy was checking out the waitress’s boobs, or was watching jello wrestling on ESPN? Again, if the guy is faithful to you and is not exercising some manipulation tactic in trying to get your friend from the mall to come over for a good time, or asking if he can break up for a two-week Vegas vacation away from you, why worry so much?
It is not the end of the world because your guy was looking at other women. Most men look and they know that’s all they ever really want to happen. Just because he’s looking at her doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that he badly wants her. Women are the fairer sex and our eyes (both women and men) naturally gravitate in the direction of an attractive woman.
I took the unconventional approach in how I deal with my husband “checking out” other women. We look at them together. We admire them together. We talk about them and we assess them together. AndI don’t do it underneath the blanket of some sick motive to satisfy a psycho jealous curiosity to see if he is actually checking out other chicks. I do it because I feel comfortable enough with myself not to feel threatened by other women. I’ll casually ask him what he thinks of another noteworthy woman and he says, “What about her? Why bother looking at a Honda, when I’m driving the Mercedes?”
I was the insanely jealous one once upon a time and I was miserable. I AM THE ONLY ONE who allowed myself to get through my issues enough to be comfortable with my husband and the entire makeup of our relationship, without having to resort to going all out psycho and landing myself in the local mental health institute. There are ways you can combat it by rising up against it and refusing to let it consume you like trash getting sucked away under a mountainous garbage heap.
Be happy with yourself and know that your confidence will trump all jealousy and any perceived inkling you think your partner has towards desiring someone else. Your confidence is will make him stay, and jealousy WILL drive him away.
Príbuzné tagy: Dealing With a Broken Heart