What Men Really Mean When They’re Talking To You

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Much of the acrimony between the sexes is born from and cultivated by a latent communication breakdown. generally speaking, we have much different ways of expressing ourselves, and it can be extremely difficult to navigate the murky relationship morass without a working compass

Ladies, in furthering our committment to crime fighting, I will be your compass and, if you’re hot, willing concubine. Without further ado, here’s a portion of the Loveawake guide to what men really mean when they’re talking to you.

“Hey, i just wanted to tell you that i care about you, and i think about you all the time.” = “i know that i’m a half-thread of toilet paper on the anal fissure of bad boyfriends, but i’m hoping this’ll make you verklempt enough to forget that and continue the post-dawn daily bj’s”

Thats not what i meant” = “actually, i did mean exactly that, but since this unexpectedly upset you, i’m gonna to continue to rephrase it until i find something that works. Take a seat. This might take a while”

Huh? excuse me? can you repeat that?” = “i heard you, but i just need a bit more time to patch up this tattered story”

“Whats your name?” = “not you, dummy. i’m talking to your boobs. are they fraternal or identical twins?”

I really dont understand women” = “i really dont understand why women generally think i’m lame”

“Where did you learn how to do that?” = “seriously, where did you learn how to do that, and how crazy must you be to have that skill-set and still be single???”

“Whats your friend’s name?” = “is there a clause for buyer’s remorse in our relationship contract?”

Am i getting fat?” = “i’m gay.”

“We should work out together” = “i like you. i really do. but, i’m going to make your life a passive-aggressive living hell until you lose some weight”

“I’m not looking for a relationship right now” = “i’m not looking for a relationship with you right now…just your ***

When was the last time you had sex?” = “if we do the do and i decide to go down on you, i won’t be tasting geralds nuts, will i?”

My day was good, and yours?” = “even though this never works, i’m begging you to allow my blatantly succinct answers to rub off on you”

Where do you see us in five years?” = “please break up with me now so i dont have to feel guilty about the inevitable sneak attack break-up three weeks from now”

‘Hi” (to a girlfriend) = “whats wrong???”

“Whats wrong? = what did i do???”

“What did i do???” = “i know what i did, i just wanna see how much mileage i still have on this ignorance card”

I’m sure i’m missing a few. Fellas, feel free to chime in.

Oh, and ladies, i aint forget about ya’ll, lol. You’re not gonna get off the hook that easily. Share your compasses too.



Related tags: Dealing With a Broken Heart

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